[Rant On]
This is one of those days when all I want to do is shove a crutch somewhere where the sun don't shine. Throw it across the yard while screaming a primal scream. Burn them in effigy while dancing around they're pathetic, melting, skeletons. To say I'm at the end of my rope with these things is quite an understatement.
I had a great pool run tonight, which is an oxymoron. Okay, maybe not completely, but sort of. Let's just say I'm learning to tolerate it since it actually gets me out of the frigging house.
But I digress . . .
My pool run went well, but it's just not - doesn't come even close to being like - trail running. We've had some wonderful, quiet, calm mornings which would have been absolute perfection for a predawn run. But what am I doing? Stumping my way out to my workout shed, trying to keep my crutches from sinking into the wet lawn. AAARRRRRGGGHHH!
I want two feet back, but the way things feel this evening, I don't think that will be happening any time soon. This sucks, my friends. This truly, truly sucks.
[Ran Off]
Monday, June 6, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Week 10, Day 67
Doc appointment yesterday. He was happy with the progress I've made. I was completely honest with him about my trial walk on Monday (which was okay . . . to a point), so he has left it up to me to determine how/when with regard to eliminating the crutches. Like he said, if I do something and it irritates things, back off. I go back in 6 weeks for another progress update. Hopefully I will be crutchless by then.
I asked him how long he thought it would be before I could run. He said we need to take things month-to-month, but September at the earliest is probably about right. Everything I've read about tendon tears indicates there is a 6-8 month recovery period. September 26 will be the 6-month mark (cripes, that seems so far away!).
I'm not going push it. The last thing I want to do is make things worse and delay the healing process. I can get around on one crutch pretty good for doing housework, etc., which is a big help. Two crutches if I want to move at any speed. Once I'm on two feet, I plan to return to the trails to work on power walking - always a good thing in trail running. Until then, it's still pool running and stationary biking.
I asked him how long he thought it would be before I could run. He said we need to take things month-to-month, but September at the earliest is probably about right. Everything I've read about tendon tears indicates there is a 6-8 month recovery period. September 26 will be the 6-month mark (cripes, that seems so far away!).
I'm not going push it. The last thing I want to do is make things worse and delay the healing process. I can get around on one crutch pretty good for doing housework, etc., which is a big help. Two crutches if I want to move at any speed. Once I'm on two feet, I plan to return to the trails to work on power walking - always a good thing in trail running. Until then, it's still pool running and stationary biking.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Week 9 and Counting
It takes a lot to rock me, to knock me down for the count, but I tell you, these past 2+ months have been doing their best to give me the one-two punch that sends you to the mat for the full 10-count.
My life these past few weeks is obviously not what I thought it to be. From developing an injury that appears to be the type which will take a very long time to heal - that is to say, it's very plausible I will not be running for 8-12 months - to dealing with significant personal issues, I have been on a physical, mental, and emotional roller coaster ride like nothing I have ever experienced before. My personal plans, my running goals, they have been, for an indeterminate amount of time, flushed down the proverbial toilet. A tornado has ripped through my life, and I'm trying to find the pieces to put it all back together, like a life-size jigsaw puzzle.
I have come to realize how much of the crap life throws at you I work out in my mind while running. Though I entered this crazy running world only a few years ago, the thought of not being able to run for a significant period of time has left me feeling out of sorts and unbalanced. Not being able to join my friend, Karen, for our weekend trail runs has, at times, reduced me to tears. I did not know how much I would miss it all until it was taken away, whether temporary or permanently.
I miss the endorphin rush of a hard, but successful, training run.
I miss the quiet of a predawn run, of slowly watching the rest of the world greet the day.
I miss taking my troubles, working through them over miles of dirt, then putting them away in a mental drawer marked "Done."
I miss the hours-long chats with Karen, so different from phone conversations or talks over lunch.
I miss the anticipation of a new and more challenging training schedule from my coach.
I miss feeling sweaty, tired, and satisfied after a 20-mile run.
I miss the anxious butterflies that always accompany me in the days leading up to a race.
I miss the me I become when I am pushing myself to limits I never in my wildest dreams thought I could achieve.
I just miss . . .
Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.
You will be OK.
You ARE OK.
Everything will be as it should.
My life these past few weeks is obviously not what I thought it to be. From developing an injury that appears to be the type which will take a very long time to heal - that is to say, it's very plausible I will not be running for 8-12 months - to dealing with significant personal issues, I have been on a physical, mental, and emotional roller coaster ride like nothing I have ever experienced before. My personal plans, my running goals, they have been, for an indeterminate amount of time, flushed down the proverbial toilet. A tornado has ripped through my life, and I'm trying to find the pieces to put it all back together, like a life-size jigsaw puzzle.
I have come to realize how much of the crap life throws at you I work out in my mind while running. Though I entered this crazy running world only a few years ago, the thought of not being able to run for a significant period of time has left me feeling out of sorts and unbalanced. Not being able to join my friend, Karen, for our weekend trail runs has, at times, reduced me to tears. I did not know how much I would miss it all until it was taken away, whether temporary or permanently.
I miss the endorphin rush of a hard, but successful, training run.
I miss the quiet of a predawn run, of slowly watching the rest of the world greet the day.
I miss taking my troubles, working through them over miles of dirt, then putting them away in a mental drawer marked "Done."
I miss the hours-long chats with Karen, so different from phone conversations or talks over lunch.
I miss the anticipation of a new and more challenging training schedule from my coach.
I miss feeling sweaty, tired, and satisfied after a 20-mile run.
I miss the anxious butterflies that always accompany me in the days leading up to a race.
I miss the me I become when I am pushing myself to limits I never in my wildest dreams thought I could achieve.
I just miss . . .
Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.
You will be OK.
You ARE OK.
Everything will be as it should.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
And the Stumping Continues
Week Six of Crutches.Went to the doc yesterday and got the results of my MRI:
The crappy news - I'm still on crutches.
The okay news - I get to start, little by little putting pressure on the foot.
The crappy news - It's not a stress fracture, and there is still inflammation and swelling showing on the MRI.
The crappy news - I would've been better off with a stress fracture.
The crappy news - Might have torn the tendon on the downhill run, and if so it's healing as best as can be expected right now.
The crappy news - He thinks I have a mild case of RSD in the foot. At the onset of the injury, the nerves went wacky from the stress and are still totally wacked out. He said most people show up at his office when the nerves have progressed to a "wildfire." He thinks I have more of a "trash can fire," and it's just a matter of getting them to calm down. Have to keep up with the contrast baths and nerve stimulation (which involves a paint brush, and my foot, and . . . heh heh heh)
The crappy news - It could take 6-9 months for the nerves to calm down.
The good news - That doesn't necessarily mean it'll be 6-9 months before I'm running again. I have to be able to walk briskly for one hour without pain before I can progress to running.
The crappy news - I go back to him on the 27th and he hopes I've progressed to putting 50% pressure on the foot. Only 50%!
The crappy news - Doc: "Sometimes stress can make our bodies heal slower. Are you under any stress right now?" Me (trying to not break out into a combination of hysterical laughter and crying, because, well, yeah . . .): "I am under so much stress right now, it's absolutely ridiculous, and there's no light at the end of the tunnel." Doc: "Are you eating?" Me: "I'm trying." He gently admonished me to eat better, get more protein in my diet and to try and get the stress under control. (He and I discussed this further, but I'm not going into details here.)
Sooooo - When I fly to Conference in Los Angeles May 18 thru 22, I'm going to be on crutches. Wonder if the hotel has wheelchairs, 'cause the place the conference is being held is suppose to be huge. *sigh* I would say I need a drink, but that's probably fairly inappropriate at this point in my life, so I'd settle for my pajamas, a box of donuts, and a gallon of milk.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Stumpin' Around on 3 Legs
Went to the foot doc on Friday, and no matter how hard I tried to argue my case, I'm still on crutches. Possibly for another 4 weeks. Plus I have to get a bone scan - or an MRI. I just have to figure out which one I can afford. Argh! The frustration level is about THIS HIGH. My initial comment re pool running - I still agree it's great exercise, but lordy it's b-o-o-o-o-r-i-n-g! I can only handle about 40 minutes before I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. The funny part is the looks I get from people trying to figure out what the heck I'm doing.My buddy, Karen, has been training for her upcoming FatAss 50k on her 50th birthday, and another friend, Arla, just finished her first ultra event, the American River 50 Mile Endurance. I'm insanely jealous of what they're doing, and so damn proud of them at the same time. Arla rocked that course, as I knew she would. And Karen - well, she's gonna have a fantastic time this upcoming weekend. There's a tutu involved. All I know is there better be a whole lot of pictures, too!
Okay then -
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Crutchy
That's what my boss' 7 year old daughter calls me. She can be a hoot.
Today I did pool running for the first time. It was as exciting and exhilarating as watching paint dry, only without the added benefit of sniffing the paint fumes. No matter, after a minute or so, and once I finally got the rhythm down, I was motoring through the deep end like a snail on speed!
It's actually an interesting workout, with the added benefit of a good arm workout. I figure by between pool running, strength training, and stumping around on crutches, I should be as buff as a female atlas by the end of all this!
Friday, April 1, 2011
On the Bench
A few of my fans (and yes, they are exactly that - a few) have been wondering where my race report is for the Pirate's Cove, which I ran on March 19. Life has been busy, as well as other things going on, so until now, it just hasn't happened. However, I'll give you a brief rundown.
Pirate's Cove was run in the Marin Headlands. The same course I ran four weeks prior for Golden Gate, except for two changes. One of those changes I feel made the course harder. If you're wondering about gain/elevation, go look at my previous report where I posted a profile pic.
The race was fantastic. Absolutely 100% fantastic. The weather was total crap again (rain, wind, hail, even a thunder boomer thrown in for good measure), but I couldn't have asked for a better race. I felt great the whole time, never once had a depressing thought, nutrition was spot on. Every . . . single . . . thing . . . clicked . . . like nothing I've experience before. My God, it was a great feeling!
I think a lot of it had to do with the fact I knew what was in store for me. Nothing was a surprise. I knew which climbs would suck (or as my friend Kate described them before - are diabolical), and I was prepared. Keep your head down. Get through them. That's why you're here. Don't be a damn baby.
My hope was to finish this 5 to 10 minutes faster than Golden Gate. I didn't dare hope for better because (1) I had been out here a mere 4 weeks earlier and (2) I only had a very short mini taper for this race. After all, it was to be a training run in preparation for the Leona Divide 50-Mile Endurance Run at the end of April.
As I came down the final flat half mile, the ocean stretched out in front me, I was feeling very satisfied. Neither the suck butt elements, the course, nor my own mind demons had gotten the better of me this time. I was ending this run with a smile on my face, so what more could I ask for?
As I rounded up into the parking lot, like before, I gave it all I had for the final push. The finish line volunteer, who had been trying to stay out of the pouring rain, met me as his truck (the finish line), gave me a hearty congratulations, and handed me my ultramarathoner finisher's coaster.
"Do you have the time?" I asked.
"Yeah. (looking at his computer) 7:20:10."
In my head: "WHAT?!?" Outside of my head, a subdued, "Yes!" accompanied by a fist pump.
"You met your goal?"
"Yep!" with a huge grin on my face.
Let's look at the math:
Feb 19 - Golden Gate 50k: 7:44:06
Mar 19 - Pirate's Cove 50k: 7:20:10
Four seconds short of being a full 24 minutes faster!! To say this was more than I expected is an understatement. I was totally blown away. And upon getting home and looking at finishing times for previous races that were similar in difficulty - A 19:00 PR!
I still find this unbelievable. And two weeks later, I still can't keep from grinning when I think about it.
So why is this post titled "On the Bench"? That's a good question. A great question, actually. I'll tell you why - -
Long story longer, I've been on crutches since Monday. I finally got to see an ortho today, and he concurs I have stress fracture in the top of my foot. Said he'd send me for an MRI or bone scan to get official results if I wanted, but wouldn't treat it any differently, so I opted not to spend the dinero. I go back to him on the 15th. If there's no improvement, then he'll order up a scan or MRI.
He had me stand on my toes and on my heels, which I did with no problem, but now, a couple of hours later, it's still achy. He was happy I was able to do both of those without pain. He also noticed that my injured foot is dark than the other one, which I had noticed, too. Said it's because of nerve damage. Recommended contrast baths 2 or 3 times a day, and taking a soft loofah or paint brush and brushing the top of the foot to help the nerves wake up/heal. Interesting. Those of you with foot fetishes would probably like that one. I'll have to ask The Hub to bring home a couple of buckets that my foot will fit down into.
Two more weeks on crutches. Stay off the foot as much as possible. I CAN do my stationary biking so long as I don't have it cranked down to the toughest gear. No weight-bearing at all. He also suggested swimming, so I'm going to go and chat up the folks at CalCourts re pool running. Our office pays for people to be members. NICE!
Funny: He said something - I can't remember what - and I told him I'll do anything he wants me to, I just want this to heal. He said, "Well, good. Sometimes runners are like heroin addicts. (rubs hand across face) They refuse to stop running no matter what." Big grin He did, however, say he thought running was good for you because it helps build stronger bones. He also said this may be an indication that I might not be able to go the longer distances, we'll just have to see. I asked him if that meant I couldn't do a 100-miler like I've had pricking at the far reaches of my subconscious. He just smiled at me.
Anyway - There you are. Hopefully, in a couple of weeks I'll be able to start putting weight on it again. We'll see . . . .
I've already gone through a few crying jags, and spent about 3 days throwing myself a pity party. Today I finally canceled all my reservations for Leona Divide. :-{
Pirate's Cove was run in the Marin Headlands. The same course I ran four weeks prior for Golden Gate, except for two changes. One of those changes I feel made the course harder. If you're wondering about gain/elevation, go look at my previous report where I posted a profile pic.
The race was fantastic. Absolutely 100% fantastic. The weather was total crap again (rain, wind, hail, even a thunder boomer thrown in for good measure), but I couldn't have asked for a better race. I felt great the whole time, never once had a depressing thought, nutrition was spot on. Every . . . single . . . thing . . . clicked . . . like nothing I've experience before. My God, it was a great feeling!
I think a lot of it had to do with the fact I knew what was in store for me. Nothing was a surprise. I knew which climbs would suck (or as my friend Kate described them before - are diabolical), and I was prepared. Keep your head down. Get through them. That's why you're here. Don't be a damn baby.
My hope was to finish this 5 to 10 minutes faster than Golden Gate. I didn't dare hope for better because (1) I had been out here a mere 4 weeks earlier and (2) I only had a very short mini taper for this race. After all, it was to be a training run in preparation for the Leona Divide 50-Mile Endurance Run at the end of April.
As I came down the final flat half mile, the ocean stretched out in front me, I was feeling very satisfied. Neither the suck butt elements, the course, nor my own mind demons had gotten the better of me this time. I was ending this run with a smile on my face, so what more could I ask for?
As I rounded up into the parking lot, like before, I gave it all I had for the final push. The finish line volunteer, who had been trying to stay out of the pouring rain, met me as his truck (the finish line), gave me a hearty congratulations, and handed me my ultramarathoner finisher's coaster.
"Do you have the time?" I asked.
"Yeah. (looking at his computer) 7:20:10."
In my head: "WHAT?!?" Outside of my head, a subdued, "Yes!" accompanied by a fist pump.
"You met your goal?"
"Yep!" with a huge grin on my face.
Let's look at the math:
Feb 19 - Golden Gate 50k: 7:44:06
Mar 19 - Pirate's Cove 50k: 7:20:10
Four seconds short of being a full 24 minutes faster!! To say this was more than I expected is an understatement. I was totally blown away. And upon getting home and looking at finishing times for previous races that were similar in difficulty - A 19:00 PR!
I still find this unbelievable. And two weeks later, I still can't keep from grinning when I think about it.
So why is this post titled "On the Bench"? That's a good question. A great question, actually. I'll tell you why - -
Long story longer, I've been on crutches since Monday. I finally got to see an ortho today, and he concurs I have stress fracture in the top of my foot. Said he'd send me for an MRI or bone scan to get official results if I wanted, but wouldn't treat it any differently, so I opted not to spend the dinero. I go back to him on the 15th. If there's no improvement, then he'll order up a scan or MRI.
He had me stand on my toes and on my heels, which I did with no problem, but now, a couple of hours later, it's still achy. He was happy I was able to do both of those without pain. He also noticed that my injured foot is dark than the other one, which I had noticed, too. Said it's because of nerve damage. Recommended contrast baths 2 or 3 times a day, and taking a soft loofah or paint brush and brushing the top of the foot to help the nerves wake up/heal. Interesting. Those of you with foot fetishes would probably like that one. I'll have to ask The Hub to bring home a couple of buckets that my foot will fit down into.
Two more weeks on crutches. Stay off the foot as much as possible. I CAN do my stationary biking so long as I don't have it cranked down to the toughest gear. No weight-bearing at all. He also suggested swimming, so I'm going to go and chat up the folks at CalCourts re pool running. Our office pays for people to be members. NICE!
Funny: He said something - I can't remember what - and I told him I'll do anything he wants me to, I just want this to heal. He said, "Well, good. Sometimes runners are like heroin addicts. (rubs hand across face) They refuse to stop running no matter what." Big grin He did, however, say he thought running was good for you because it helps build stronger bones. He also said this may be an indication that I might not be able to go the longer distances, we'll just have to see. I asked him if that meant I couldn't do a 100-miler like I've had pricking at the far reaches of my subconscious. He just smiled at me.
Anyway - There you are. Hopefully, in a couple of weeks I'll be able to start putting weight on it again. We'll see . . . .
I've already gone through a few crying jags, and spent about 3 days throwing myself a pity party. Today I finally canceled all my reservations for Leona Divide. :-{
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